Updated April 20th 2005, Sydney Australia
 

CAMERA. ACTION. POPE!

Well, it's been awhile since I wrote on this little website, and I noticed that three quarters of the page was missing from my last entry! That's all the stuff below my rants on this page. Sorry about that! It's been a tad hectic here!

When I was a kid growing up in Ireland, I was always aware that myself and a couple of others were practically the only protestants in the republic - but that never bothered me at all. Sometimes I think Graham Norton and I were the ONLY protestants in the Irish republic! Anyway, one thing I knew virtually nothing about - was the pope, the vatican and the religion that envelopes it. Someone once told me that the Catholic church owned one half of New York, and the Queen owned the other! That was enough for me to realise how incredibly powerful this institution is (the institution of the catholic church, that is, not the queen, although I suspect she can pack a punch too!).

It's only recently, due to heavy media coverage, that I came to learn more about this awsome international powerhouse. I hear there are a billion Catholics in the world. I have learned the complex procedure for recruiting the CEO of Catholic Church LTD. Back in 1978 when a Polish guy changed his name to Pope John Paul the second, it all kinda happened without me noticing. As a 17 year old I was more interested in running after girls and spinning records in back-street radio stations like Southside radio (Dun Laoghaire).

Then the pope came to Ireland. Hilarious! People in Dublin were cramming into trains at 2am to go see him. I had never seen a town so obsessed. It suddenly occured to me that this wasn't just a visit, it was a mammoth media machine turning its powerful wheels and causing havoc in its wake! What were normal well-behaved Irish catholics had become mad-hatters climbing over each other with polaroid cameras (remember them?) to get an instant snap of the man! Jesus Mary and Joseph already!


Karol Jozef Wojtyla becomes Pope John-Paul II in 1978

German-born Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI on Tuesday

Then I forgot about it for twenty years. Now, about ten days Pope John Paul the second went to meet his maker, and watching the media on that brought it all back to me. Yesterday (2am here) I watched in awe as a new pope walked onto the balcony. Pope Joseph Ratzinger of Germany (pictured above, right) got the gig and Rome, along with the rest of the planet, went nuts. The whole media thing fascinated me.

Lets pretend we, that is, you and I, are a marketing company, okay? Were having a conversation with a potential client in the office.


US: "Come in! Sit down. Now how can we help you?"

Catholic Church Ltd: "Well, were taking on a new CEO who is fairly high-profile, and given that our company has been involved in a lot of bad publicity, we want to come across as positively as possible".

US: "Do you know who you're taking on as the new CEO? Perhaps we can help you pick a person who will look good in public".

CC LTD: "Oh no! We have a long tradition in our company where the board decides on a new CEO. In fact, there's going to be a board meeting, which could take days, or even weeks"

US: "Okay, well, if we can't actually pick a perfect public figure, we'll have to do a major PR exercise with the situation we've got."

CC LTD: "What we REALLY need is a big hoo-haa. We have a billion clients from all over the world. In recent times we have been in court over all sorts of issues regarding our middle management".

US: "What kind of issues?"

CC LTD: "We can't say. It's company policy, you see. Basically we've received really bad press because, instead of firing the culprits, they claim we've just been moving them to other offices".

US: "Okay. What we need is a major PR campaign using the media to its fullest extent. First of all, create excitement. Emm, let's lock all the members of the board in their boardroom while they're appointing a new CEO. Tell the media that they're locked in there without any TV, Radio, or internet. Tell the media they could be locked in there for weeks! That'll work!

CC LTD: "Sounds interesting. But its not enough, is it?"

US: "You're right. Those offices of yours are over five centuries old, arn't they? Does that old chimney work still?

CC LTD: "I think so. We haven't used it since 1978 though. I'll check it out"

US: "Well, see if it's still working. What we propose is that you pump out black smoke when the board has unsuccessfully voted, and white smoke when theres a new CEO. This will drive the media crazy. They'll have their cameras glued to that chimney for days! The web-cam hit rates will crash servers! You know, I reckon once the white smoke comes out of that chimney, the TV ratings will go through the roof..Uh, sorry about the pun there"

Don't you just love how institutions such as the catholic church have embraced marketing! Good on them, I say. And good on you for entertaining my whims by reading this!

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Read previous radiohome pages:

ARCHIVE 31: MEDIA AND SEX: GROW UP ALREADY!
ARCHIVE 30: THE NEWS: NO LAUGHING MATTER!

ARCHIVE29:  MICHAEL JACKSON: THEY'RE FEEDING HIM TO THE LIONS!

ARCHIVE 28: ADVERTISING: I'VE HAD A BELLY FULL!

ARCHIVE 27: CASTING (THROUGH STREETS) BROAD AND NARROW
ARCHIVE 26: AUSTRALIAN TV BROADCASTS OUTFOXED!
ARCHIVE 25: THE BBC GO CHEAP ON THE TSUNAMI RELIEF FUND CONCERT
ARCHIVE 24: TV COMMERCIAL CAUSES OUTRAGER ON AUSTRALIAN TV
ARCHIVE 23: AUSTRALIAN MEDIA GETS TOGETHER TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE TSUNAMI VICTIMS
ARCHIVE 22: IT'S CHRISTMAS AGAIN...AND AUSTRALIAN MEDIA DOES A RUNNER!
ARCHIVE 21: I DON'T WANT MCDONALDS - I'LL HAVE 2FM INSTEAD

ARCHIVE 20: LIGHTHOUSES, TURNTABLES AND RATS!
ARCHIVE 19: ALAN JONES OUT-TAKES
ARCHIVE 18: SOME SAY..THE TRUTH ABOUT FOX NEWS
ARCHIVE 17: MEDIA AND POLITICS
ARCHIVE 16: THE MEDIA AND ITS LIES
ARCHIVE 15: SMOKING AND THE MEDIA
ARCHIVE 14: A SUPERSTAR IN YOUR OWN JAIL
ARCHIVE 13: INTERNET RADIO
ARCHIVE 12: OZ MEDIA - YOU HAVE TO BE AUSSIE, EH, MATE!
ARCHIVE 11: REALITY BITES!ARCHIVE
ARCHIVE 10: LETS NOT CRY OVER SPILT MILK - OR SHOULD WE?

ARCHIVE 9: Q10 WHO?
ARCHIVE 8: FREE RADIO CANNOT DIE. JAMES JOYCE NEVER DID!
ARCHIVE 7: IT'S ALL ABOUT QUALITY MY FRIENDS!
ARCHIVE 6: COMREG CLOSES PIRATES IN DUBLIN
ARCHIVE 5: MURDOCH: DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL
ARCHIVE 4: FALLING INTO THE PAST!
ARCHIVE 3:-PETER MADISON
ARCHIVE 2: PRE-SUPERPIRATES
ARCHIVE 1: BROADCASTING TO THE WORLD


The views expressed on this site are not necessarily those of it's owners. These views are expressly my own.

 

 

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